Words of wisdom from a 27-year-old

Thinking of smart things to tell you

What a difference 365 days makes! Since my last birthday, I've managed to move from Manhattan to Miami, land a new job, make new friends and most importantly --- get married. Needless to say, this year has been one amazing roller coaster, and at 27 I feel I have a much better understanding of the woman I want to be and about the things that matter most. I think it's when we're faced with changes and challenges that we're able to really learn about ourselves. So without further adieu, here are some bits of wisdom I want to share with y'all:

1. Things have a funny way of working themselves out. When I think about the situations that have caused me the greatest amount of anxiety, I find myself amazed by how said situations have often resolved themselves. In fact, sometimes the end result wound up being even better than the best case scenario I had envisioned. This isn't to say we shouldn't be doing everything we can to effect our circumstances --- we should --- it's just I think at a certain point we have to let the "higher powers" play their role too. Adopting this mentality helps me eliminate the stress, fear and anxiety associated with outcomes I can't fully control, and there's so much to be said for that.

2. Cooking isn't as intimidating as it seems. My mom is an excellent chef and made dinner for our family six out of seven nights a week. Consequently, I feared cooking because it seemed too darn hard and I thought I'd never measure up. But when I moved to Miami it became clear I couldn't have healthy meals delivered to my door with a click of a button the same way I could in NYC, and so in order to eat well I knew I would have to brave the kitchen. Thankfully my mother-in-law arranged some cooking classes for me and my sister-in-law, and within a couple months I gained the confidence to make a meal solo.

My advice for new chefs is to get the best ingredients you can find/afford and start with simple recipes like broiled salmon filets with olive oil and seasoning, or roasted chicken. I also find it helps to combine what I've learned from my classes with recipes from my favorites (Martha Stewart, Ina Garten) and advice gathered from friends and family. You really only learn cooking by doing it and you adjust recipes to suit your tastes as you go. But coming from the girl who a year ago didn't know how to turn on her oven (true story) and can now make a complete meal --- if I can do it, then you certainly can.

3. Our words are so powerful. We may not realize this, but what we say to others and ourselves has a huge impact. With just one simple compliment we can elevate someone's day, yet one nasty remark can really bring a person down. Of course it's bad to lie or be fake, but there's always something positive we can say to people around us --- particularly the ones we care about. Girls especially are known to be nasty to each other and while it subsides after high school, it never completely ends. With all the pressure we put on ourselves as women, it's exremely crucial we support and encourage one another. I recently had a girlfriend compliment my writing, while another told me I had beautiful eyes. Conversely, I've had girls say negative things about my career choices, as well as my nose, ears, weight and hair. While they shouldn't, these remarks change how we perceive ourselves, so choose your words wisely.

Similarly, we can say the ugliest things to ourselves and the more we say them --- the more we internalize them and they become our reality.  I read somewhere that we shouldn't tell ourselves anything we wouldn't say to our young daughter. I couldn't agree more. And with that, I leave you with a quote I came across on Instagram today (don't mock): If the words you spoke appeared on your skin, would you still be beautiful? Amen.

4. Figure out what makes you happy and do more of it. Write it down. I literally did this. Yup, you've gotta carve out time for such activities but it will be worth it.

5. Sometimes you gotta leave your man alone. When my husband's feeling down, tired, stressed etc. my initial instinct is to swoop in and try to solve the problem via talking about it. Men, however, don't always (hardly ever) feel like talking it out. That said, when I'm told "I don't wanna talk about it" or "nothing's wrong" when I know something clearly is --- I get upset. This can sometimes lead to a fight, mostly because I feel frustrated for not being able to remedy the situation. I like to fix things --- and fast! Yet slowly I'm learning not only can I not solve everything, but that I don't have to. Sometimes, the best thing I can do for my fellow is to let him be and give him some time to feel better on his own terms. Easy, right?

XOXO

Val

The weight game: why the non-diet diet works (for me at least)

You're not the boss of me chunky monkey dessert at Pubbelly. 

Every once in a while I read something that perfectly encapsulates my own experience. Most recently it was a New York Magazine article by Melissa Dahl called, "A Non-Diet Diet: The Case for Eating Whatever You Want."

The gist of the piece is that evidence is increasingly showing that elimination based diets yield only short term results, and that eating what you want when you want it is the key to reaching your ideal weight. The official term for this approach is intuitive eating, and it's rooted in the notion that our body inherently knows what it needs. The trick is knowing how to listen to it. 

This means the following: 1) eating slowly and taking time to evaluate how full you feel. 2) Avoiding eating for any reason other than physical hunger, i.e., sadness, stress, boredom, happiness etc.  And my favorite, 3) allowing yourself to eat anything you desire.

Peoples' initial response to such an approach is fear they'll end up eating junk food all the time, but the reality is quite the opposite. The idea behind intuitive eating is that because you're paying attention to how food makes you feel, you simply won't want to eat crap all the time. Furthermore, since there's no such thing as forbidden food, you won't be drawn to it in the same way.

If you recall, in late 2012 I wrote about how for the first time in my life I had taken to emotional eating (boredom at work mostly), and no matter what I tried I couldn't lose the weight and fit into my pants. The post was my way of admitting my behaviour to myself and resolving to be more conscious.

The problem was that despite getting better at eating only when I was hungry,  I had taken to cutting out a lot of foods from my diet. Suddenly, all I could think about was dessert and pasta. It followed that every time I let myself indulge in such "treats," I never felt satisfied and kept wanting to have more. Dahl's article cites research that shows when parents implement very strict eating rules, their kids eat more of off-limit snacks when they're able to get ahold of them.

In any case, my weight didn't go down and I hated thinking about what I was and wasn't eating so much.  Then came my second post on the subject, where I declared I was just going to accept my body as it is and I was no longer going to think about losing the weight. It's a tough concept to fully grasp, but what we think and tell ourselves becomes our reality.

It followed that right around this time I met my now boyfriend, and I was so happy and preoccupied with other thoughts that not thinking about my weight was surprisingly simple. We were also dining out ALL the time, and hell no was I going to turn down a little dessert!

And then just like that -- without thinking about it -- I lost the weight. And I haven't put it back on. I also workout less. It's fascinating to me that by not denying myself of dessert and the like, I actually want it less, and I'm satisfied after just a few bites. Weird as it might sound, intuitive eating worked (and works) for me, and who would've thought it could be so easy.

Disclosure: I'm not by any means an expert on this subject matter, I'm simply discussing an article that resonated with me and my own experience. By sharing this with you my only hope is that it might be helpful in some way.

xoxo

Val 

The perception principle: why our thoughts are so powerful

The following is a true story that happened to an older friend of mine. One day, a woman, let's call her V, walks into a grocery store only to spot none other than her ex-husband's former mistress, M. Their eyes meet, and as V begins walking in M's direction, M naturally starts to make a beeline for the nearest exit. With speed on her side, V catches up to M, but rather than attempting any sort of verbal or physical abuse, V proceeds to hug M, and, get this -- thanks her. More specifically, V thanks M for being the catalyst that ended a miserable marriage, and consequently enabled her to go on to realize her full potential and find a meaningful and healthy relationship. To say M was flabbergasted would be an understatement.

Undoubtedly, M caused V a lot of pain and sadness, but V made a conscious choice to focus on the positive role M played in her life. Forget about taking the high-road and all that other virtuous stuff, changing her perception of the situation was a way for V to let go of her anger and hate --- sentiments that would weigh anyone down. With that, she was able to move on and cause a positive change in her life.

I had heard this story a while ago, but was only able to fully register its significance when I was bedridden for a few days last week due to terrible back pain, that in all likelihood was triggered by stress. See, I didn't get a job I so desperately wanted, and while there's hope another position will open up soon, I was profoundly disappointed.

In the midst of my self-pity party, it dawned on me that I could change how I was feeling simply by altering my perception of my circumstances. As soon as I started to believe things didn't pan out at this time, not because I suck, but because there's a better opportunity for me on the horizon, my back pain subsided (I kid you not). Rejection still blows, but I'm so much more effective at searching for a job when I don't associate the process with failure, but rather as a necessary means to a (hopefully) better end. And who knows, maybe in the meantime I'll have a eureka moment, and I'll invent an app or something.

What a eureka moment would look like. Hair Color by Nuda; makeup Annie Young Cosmetiques.  

Getting your b*tch on: aka learning to speak up

Life lessons from my four year-old niece who isn't afraid to express her mind

It's a terrible feeling: coming up with the perfect comeback line, but only after the fact. At that point, I convince myself the moment has passed, and so, I let the situation go entirely. You see, I've spent my life avoiding conflict and confrontation like the plague, yet now, at 25 years-young, I'm starting to question whether my laissez-faire mentality has been doing me a disservice. Resentment, I'm learning, isn't a pretty thing.

But how do you suddenly go from being someone who doesn't speak up when someone says or does something hurtful, or even just plain bothersome, to being the gal who does? Not to over-dramatize, but it's almost as if part of my identity is tied to my let-it-slide persona. I fear changing my approach would result in diminished success in both my career and personal life, and that I'd find myself in a worse predicament than if I had said nothing.

Or maybe, just maybe, if I stood up for myself, not only would I no longer harbor these feelings of resentment (they seriously do eat away at you), but people would respect me more and stop thinking they could take advantage of my niceness. As much as I love having nice and a great friend attached to my name, being labeled a pushover is decidedly unappealing. For better or for worse, the world can be a cruel place, especially when you're trying to build a career in a city like New York. What's more, I've realized there's a big difference between being nice and being a pushover, and I don't want to enter the second quarter of my life as the latter.

So how do I start? I know I'll have to take baby steps. If a friend says something hurtful, I'll have to call him or her out on it right then and there, rather than ignoring it and going home to weigh the consequences of addressing the problem versus not. This doesn't have to entail saying something bitchy, but rather just stating how I feel at that particular moment. I'm a believer in reacting appropriately given the situation, and hopefully most of the time a calmly worded remark will suffice.

I'm definitely scared peoples' perception of me will change, but at the end of the day, you have to be at peace with yourself and do what's right for you -- others be damned (to an extent). After all, I see my friends and people around me speaking up all the time, and while sometimes a fight or small argument ensues -- it's rare they stop being friends altogether. In fact, sometimes the relationship is only strengthened. Strengthened relationships and less or no resentment? Now that's definitely worth a shot.

The weight game: playing without losing your head part II

Every time I read something with a title along the lines of "How to get your body beach ready in two weeks," or "Five foods that will give you a flat belly," I swear it's going to be my last one, but of course, it never is. I keep thinking the next one will hold the secret to end all secrets -- the one that will bring me one step closer to looking like Jessica Alba in a bikini. It never does.

And the more I read, the more confused I become. One's telling me eating Greek yogurt will do wonders for my waistline, while the next expert is suggesting I ban all dairy from my diet. Caffeine is the devil on Monday, but on Tuesday it's being lauded for its health benefits. Pardon my French but WTF?! I realized I was becoming a slave to my heath/beach body quest when my morning bowl of cereal started to overflow as I attempted to fill it with as many "superfoods" as humanely possible. Enough was enough.

With bathing suit season officially upon us, it's easy to become obsessed with clocking in hours at the gym and with what one puts into his or her mouth. Make no mistake both are important, particularly the latter, but any obsession is unhealthy.

In a recent intenSati class, the inspirational founder, Patricia Moreno, said something that really stuck and which I'm going to try to internalize; the key word here being try. For those of you who don't know, intenSati is a high intensity, affirmation shouting workout focused around self-empowerment via changing your mindset. To convey a point, Patricia drew a circle to represent one's life/well-being. She allocated a tiny piece to working out, and a slightly bigger piece to what one eats. However, the biggest chunk of the circle was one's thoughts. Her point was, if we want to love our lives -- and our bodies -- it all begins with what we think and what we tell ourselves.

She preaches, and I agree, that to achieve our goals (career, fitness, relationship etc.), we have to start from a place of self-acceptance and love. If we accept ourselves exactly as we are, all the while striving to be our personal best -- not anyone else's (here's to you Jessica Alba), everything else will fall into place. For instance, we'll make the right decisions regarding what we put into our mouths because we'll choose foods that give us energy and make us feel good.

Okay, so you're probably thinking this is all high and mighty Val, but WTF am I supposed to do when I have to be in a two-piece next week? I hear ya loud and clear, but if you take anything away from this post, it's put down whatever you're reading and tell yourself you're perfect just the way you are. Instead of trying to change things, focus on being grateful for what you have and doing what will make you feel even better. I'm going to try this, and if I end up miserable and 10 pounds heavier -- I'll be the first to let you know.

I'll start with accepting I'll never look like Jessica Alba in a bikini, something that being of sound mind I always knew, but perhaps never fully reconciled. I also know while diet and exercise can go a long way in changing our physiques and improving our health, a little something called DNA plays an even bigger role (at least that's what the scientists are saying today). Or as my mother aptly puts it, "no matter what, I'll never be a tall blonde". Being her kin, I'll also never be a leggy blonde (thanks mom, thanks), and perhaps with the exception of pregnancy, I will forever be flat of chest (sounds better than flat chested, no?).

I also know while it may work great for some, eliminating meat, dairy, coffee and all sugar from my diet won't make me feel better (depressed is the word I'm looking for). Yes, it's important to educate oneself about the latest nutrition and fitness research, but I'd say (I could be totally wrong) it's equally as significant to listen to one's body and do what feels right for YOU and makes YOU happy. Come to think of it, I've been at my ideal weight only when I've been happy and at peace with my situation -- not the other way around. And especially not when I've been obsessing over how I look. Is there any way I can declare this the summer of self-love without making you want to punch me in the face? Can I also add happy and confident people are always the most attractive ones? Guess I just did.

The circle of "life", or just the delicious zucchini frittata at Locande Verde 

Snacking and the city: healthy NYC spots to hold you over

A friend from out of town hit the nail on the head recently: “it seems all New Yorkers do is eat and workout.” Why I couldn’t have said it better myself. Indeed, this city is filled with foodies who are equally as concerned with the origins of their produce, as they are with fitting into their skinny jeans. As I explained to my friend, eating out is always the main event, one around which all other activities are scheduled around. So what’s one to do in between lunch and dinner? Go to the museum? Maybe. Get a snack -- better yet a healthy snack before an indulgent meal? Definitely. Below are three healthy picks: 

1) Chobani SoHo: Shopping in SoHo while dodging camera-happy tourists is an energy-depleting activity that can leave anyone ravenous. Stop by the sleek Chobani store and yogurt bar to refuel and witness just how versatile America’s favorite Greek yogurt can be. The Peanut Butter and Jelly pairs plain Chobani with peanut butter, Concord grape jelly, red grapes and peanuts -- genius. Those looking for a more savory option can order the refreshing Cucumber and Olive Oil served with fresh mint, sea salt and pita chips. 150 Prince St.

Is this cute or what? 

2) Say the words fat free, dairy free and gluten free to a New Yorker and you’re bound to get their attention. At Chloe’s Soft Serve fruit Co., the delicious soft serve is made using only real fruit, filtered water and a touch of organic cane sugar, and comes in flavors like dark chocolate, banana, mango and pear. This healthy snack gets even better with toppings that include goji berries, pumpkin seeds, walnuts and plenty of fresh fruit. 25 East 17th St. 

The perfect 4 p.m. pick-me-up.

3) In a city laden with bars, OatMeals’ claim to fame is being the first oatmeal bar. Pop by the pint size shop to watch oatmeal mixologists whipping up concoctions like the Quatre Fruits Rouge, featuring fresh strawberries and raspberries, dried current and cherries, honey and almond milk. Live on the edge and try the Truffle RisOATo (witty) with shaved Parmesan, truffle oil, sea salt and cracked black pepper. Rich in fiber and protein, a little oatmeal is surprisingly filling. Healthy and guaranteed to leave me hangover-free -- this is my kinda bar. 120 West Third St. (Between MacDougal & 6th Ave). 

The Pumpkin Pie and Quatre Fruits Rouge bowls at OatMeals 

Summer style: 5 chic caps to wear this season

Since there’s nothing sexy about a burnt scalp, a fashionable cap should rank high on every gal’s summer shopping list. Once relegated to athletes and kids, this is no longer courtesy of styles that run the gamut from sporty to sophisticated. A go-to look of models off duty, including it-girl of the moment Ms. Delevingne, caps make for a quick and wallet-friendly way to update your look. Here are five picks:

M.V.P. Leopard Jet Cap, $88; at Hypebeast

Pieces Greta Floral Cap, $13.58; at ASOS

Snap-Back Flatbrim Hat, $20; at Adidas 

Studded Baseball Cap, $36; at Topshop 

BDG Denim on Denim Baseball Hat, $24; at Urban Outfitters

Fashion news: Rodale enters retail market

Mark your calendars for May 20th, otherwise known as the day Rodale is debuting its online store, Rodale’s. The publisher of health and wellness holy grails Women’s Health, Men’s Health and Prevention, will sell close to 500 ethically sourced products from the likes of Eileen Fisher, Melissa Joy Manning and Gabrielle Sanchez.

Chairman and chief executive officer of Rodale Inc., Maria Rodale, said in a statement that given the company’s focus on providing its audience with solutions, it’s only natural for those solutions to extend to e-commerce merchandise. Rodales.com will offer women’s clothing, specialty foods, toys, beauty products and home goods. If their venture into retail is anywhere near as good as the recipes and ab exercises offered in the magazines –- I’ll be counting down the days. For more information read the full-length article on Women's Wear Daily. 

Dispatch from NYC: 5 things I'm loving this month

After a winter that seemed destined to swallow up spring without allowing us so much as a glimpse, May is finally upon us and it feels more or less like, well, May. To fete this occasion, I've decided to do more than simply shave my legs -- I'm sharing five places/things I can't get enough of to help you jumpstart the season. It's astonishing how much happier I am after basking in a little sunlight and swapping my parka for a luxurious leather jacket and lightweight scarf. So read quickly, then hurry along and get a lil vitamin D action. Don't forget to wear sunscreen.

1. Hu Kitchen (5th Avenue between 14th St. & 13th St.) While no one can accuse Manhattan of lacking healthy food options, Hu Kitchen has managed to carve out a niche for itself -- one I'd be happy to curl up in and feast for days on end. The restaurant and market is based around the philosophy humans ought to return to a pre-industrial diet. While I won't go into the fascinating (no sarcasm intended) details of "The Hu Pillars" (there are eight total), in essence it boils down to eating minimally processed foods with recognizable ingredients that  benefit us and the environment. Kudos to them for listing the ingredients in every dish and for substituting sugar with either organic coconut sugar, unfiltered honey or maple syrup. At Hu, the entire menu is gluten free and everything from chicken, to chocolate chia pudding, to kale salad and smoothies are offered. My go-to has been 1/4 piece of organic chicken with three sides: roasted pineapple, dairy free cauliflower puree and roasted butternut squash. Ringing in at $20 and change, it's pricey, but it's positively divine and you know what you're paying for. Take it to go, or park yourself in the rustic seating area reminiscent of the Berenstain Bears' house
 -- only, you know, significantly swankier. And no matter what you do, don't leave without trying an Hu handcrafted in Brooklyn chocolate bar. It. Will. Change. Your. Life.

One of the must-try chocolate bar flavors at Hu Kitchen

2. Tenoverten.  (Two locations, one at the Parker Meridien and another in Tribeca). Whereas most mani/pedi spots operate with the efficiency of a production line, at tenoverten you're not just another number. But even more important than the stellar customer service is the end result; the technicians are better (in my humble opinion) and totally worth the slightly higher price (manicures start at $15, pedicures at $35). The minimalist decor exudes calm, and I dare you not to find the perfect polish among a bevy of choices that include Nars and Chanel at no extra charge.

3. Bathtub Gin.  (9th Ave between 19th St. & 18th St.) No, you don't have to be a gin drinker to enjoy this Chelsea bar because I for one certainly am not. I came here on a first date recently, and embarrassingly walked by it several times before my date (who was watching me look lost the entire time), came to my rescue. Here's the thing, to enter Bathtub Gin you have to walk through a fully-operating coffee shop, the name of which escapes me. Once in, you're greeted by a bouncer at another door. This door has no name which is a tell-tale sign you've reached a "cool" destination. The atmosphere is that of a posh speakeasy, and there's a retro bathtub in the center that begs for some Instagraming (you have to hop in of course). Food wise, I only tried the duck spring rolls and they were an A-.

4. Brunch at The Dutch (Sullivan St. corner Prince St.) Whether you're craving a decadent brunch (hot fried chicken, cornmeal flapjacks) or prefer to air on this side of healthier -- there's something mouth-watering for everyone at The Dutch. Just do me a favor and order the lobster cocktail if you're a fish lover because this is one mouth party you won't want to miss.

5. Stella McCartney Sunglasses. I won't deny, I probably put more effort into choosing a new pair of shades than I did my online dating profile. The thing is designer sunglasses are ridiculously expensive, and I have two perfectly good pairs, so to justify a new purchase they had to be "special". Fortunately, I found a pink cat eye shape from Stella that's unlike anything I own, and at $225 -- I was spared shopper's guilt -- a win-win if I've ever seen one.

Blurry shot of me in my Stella sunnies. 

xoxox

Val




Instead, we use organic coconut sugar, unfiltered honey, and maple syrup.

Life after graduation: coping with the great unknown

Lately I’ve been feeling restless. For the first time in my 25 years on this earth, I haven’t a clue what I’m doing next. While I can tell you where I’m eating next -- Babbo, anyone? (the parents are visiting), that’s about as far as I can get. For a compulsive planner (I was the eight year-old who couldn’t wait to get homework so I could write it in my agenda), this is torture not unlike the kind Kim Kardashian’s baby must feel when she dons a signature body hugging ensemble.

To bring you up to speed, I’m graduating in May and have begun my quest to find a job in the editorial/PR/marketing sphere. Desperate to stay in New York and build a successful career, the pressure is, in effect -- on. Searching for a job, however, is a daunting process that doesn’t have a definite end date, like, say a midterm or an internship. You spend hours crafting an application to no avail, despite several follow-ups. It makes me wonder if there's a "special place" all unread job applications go to die?

Do understand, I’m not inviting you to a pity party here; there are few people who don’t have to experience this at one point or another, but I’ve always used this blog as a means of self expression and this is no exception. This restlessness is new to me and I’m grappling with it.

I feel best when I’m being pro-active, but the instant I find myself running out of people to reach out to, or posts to apply for -- the anxiety returns and I can’t seem to quell it. I feel guilty when I’m relaxing, when I’m focusing too much on a homework assignment, and basically every instant in between. I also desperately crave control (more so than I already do) in aspects of my life I'm more or less able to control -- a recipe for disaster. If a friend were to recount these syndromes to me, I’d advise them to take three deep breaths and to stop being so hard on themselves. My college professor said on the first day of class: “do the best you can with the time you have.” Up until that point, I’d only heard the first part of that sentence, but as soon as the element of time was thrown into the equation -- I felt (somewhat) liberated. Whenever I start to feel the panic rising up, I have to tell myself I’m doing all I can vis-à-vis my job search while juggling my final semester and a three-day internship. I also need to allow myself to relax guilt-free to gain energy I’m bound to need. Besides, my best ideas usually manifest during down time. Speaking of relaxation, I’m starting to think I need a new hobby because exercise doesn’t seem to suffice in calming me lately. Any ideas? I’m willing to entertain anything other than shopping -- or knitting.

Party time: tips for your next wine and cheese or any hosting gig

The best parties are the ones thrown for no other reason than to bring people together and have some good ol’ fashioned fun. That’s precisely why my dear friend Pam and I decided to host a wine and cheese soirée for our closest comrades last month. I relish being a hostess -- quite possibly because I’m a control freak, but mainly because seeing people eating, drinking, and laughing, and knowing I played a small role in that -- warms the cockles of my heart. Is that weird? Party planning, however, can be a simple feat or a large burden depending on how you go about it, which is why I’m sharing some of my tips. While they’re wine and cheese oriented, many can be applied to various types of parties. Happy hosting!

1. Don’t make it too cheesy -- i.e., don’t buy too many types of cheese. Four is the winning number, and I suggest opting for one goat, one sheep, one cow, and a last option of your choice. The more diverse the better, so try to include cheeses of varying firmness. Unsure where to begin? That's what cheesemongers are for; I got some great advice from a lovely lady at Bedford Cheese Shop. Tip: blue cheese wasn’t a success at my party.
   
   
2. Cut the cheese. Okay, that sounded differently in my head. What I mean is people tend to be lazy -- and messy, therefore if you can assemble the cheese and the rest of the food into bite size pieces beforehand -- your guests -- and furniture will thank you. Just think, the easier it is for your guests to access the food, the more they’ll eat and the less leftovers you’ll be stuck with the following day.
   
   
3. Location, location, location. Spread out the food throughout your home (do your best to get creative if your space is small), so the mountain can come to Muhammad. Remember what I said about guests generally being lazy and trying to avoid having leftovers? Right.
   
   

   

    Putting goodies in several bowls and spreading them out allowed for easier grabbing -- a key ingredient for a good party. 

   
   
4. Health comes first. As much as people love cheese, there’s only so much they can consume (some might beg to differ), thus it’s best to offset all that dairy with lighter options. Fruits (I served grapes, berries and cut pineapple) and vegetables served with tzatziki and hummus were major hits.
   
   
5. A little goes a long (enough) way. Our friends (god bless their souls) couldn’t stop praising details such as the labels accompanying the cheeses describing the type of cheese and its country of origin. We also got compliments a plenty on offering apricot jam to pair with the cheese, as well as on our vast array of cracker options (from healthy to not so healthy).
   
   

   

   Guests loved the vast selection of crackers and the labels indicating the type of cheese and where it's from. We nearly ran out of healthy options like hummus, vegetables and fruit. 

   
   
6. Don’t forget the “mix” in party mix. Keep the playlist varied; alternate between artists, genres and degrees of intensity throughout the evening.
   
   
7. Give two weeks notice and a reminder the day of. We invited friends via Facebook event two weeks in advance; people are busy today and don’t appreciate last minute invites. Also, the day of the party, I posted a message on the Facebook page telling guests to come hungry. When I later told someone I was impressed by how quickly the food supply was dwindling, they responded: “well you told us to come hungry!” This taught me a valuable lesson: people (mainly women) like to know what they’re in for so they can prepare -- a.k.a., eat a lighter lunch.
   
   
8. Buy what you like. This way, if you’re stuck with leftovers, your stomach and wallet will still be your friends.
   
   
9. Make connections. Sometimes at a party, particularly when the invitees are from two different friend groups, people need a little help connecting. As host, try to make introductions and find common ground between guests to get the conversation flowing. It’s definitely a skill and will serve you well at parties -- and in life. Ever heard of networking?
   
   
10. Have fun. Don’t let worries of dessert potentially running out get in the way of you enjoying yourself with people you like -- the reason for the event in the first place.

Bonus tip: keep the liquor (ideally a mix of wine, beer and one type of hard alcohol) in the kitchen to avoid a mess.

March Madness: five NYC restaurants I'm drooling over this month

If you've met me, you know I live for good food. Not unlike most New Yorkers, (yup, I just referred to myself as a New Yorker, I think a year and change living here grants me such a privilege) I peruse a restaurant's menu well in advance and spend the entire day salivating. Likewise, I also plan my outfit accordingly (hello stretchy pants). However, unfortunately, or fortunately? I have the stomach of an 85 year-old, i.e., highly sensitive. I'm also a bit of a health nut, albeit one who believes in eating with complete abandon at least 10 percent of the time. All this to say, the restaurants below satisfy the perfect ratio of guilt-free to decadent -- a combo we all need to hold us over till the first real signs of spring. What's more, none of them will break the bank so you can still afford those ankle-strap heels you've been lusting after.

Yuzi-wasabi shrimp at Red Farm

1. Rosemary's (Greenwich Village, no reservations unless group of six or more, seasonal Italian, rooftop garden, open all day everyday). Must try: chopped salad "Siciliana"; skirt steak; and brussels sprouts. 

2. The Smile (East Village, reservations accepted, American nouveau/traditional, open all day everyday). Must try: lamb meatballs; sauteed autumn vegetables with cranberry beans, green and yellow zucchini, house-made ricotta and fried egg; and roasted balsamic chicken served with lemon and thyme roasted red potatoes.

3. Red Farm (West Village, no reservations, modern chinese, dim sum, weekend brunch, dinner). Must try: yuzu-wasabi shrimp, steamed lobster dumplings and the three chili chicken.

4. Barmarché (Nolita, reservations accepted, American nouveau/Latin American, weekend brunch, dinner, happy hour). Must try: grilled corn bruschetta with crushed avocado, pecorino, cilantro and lime; and seared scallops with creamy corn, roasted jalapeno and balsamic reduction.

5. Café Select (Soho, reservations accepted, French/Swiss/Austrian/German, open all day everyday). Must try: Toblerone mousse (it's outer-worldly!).