The weight game: playing without losing your head

No reservations - enjoying a heavenly birthday brunch at The Dutch

I've had to buy some new pants recently. Normally, this would be a cause for celebration, or something to that effect, but the emphasis here is on the had.  You guessed it -- yours truly has put on weight. The lethal combination of stress/exhaustion from balancing work with school and a social life led me down the dangerous path of snacking when I (insert gasp) -- wasn't hungry. Aside from the financial "toll" of emotional eating, I was getting terrible stomach pains and felt like crap. Don't be mistaken, I'm not calling myself even remotely "large" or even suggesting I need to lose any weight, but my "situation" got me thinking about issues many of us -- correct me if I'm wrong -- grapple with.

Growing up, I never thought twice about what I ate; fortunately, my parents went to great lengths to maintain a healthy household without ever bringing the word "calorie" into the equation. It's precisely why I hate that as I get older and my metabolism slows down and my mother no longer cooks for me, I need to think more about my food choices if I want to feel good and look the way I've grown accustomed to. And while I know it's wrong to eat my feelings rather than deal with the stress head on -- I also don't want thoughts about food and looks to permeate my life to the point where I stop enjoying either. What to do, what to do?

For a while I had no idea, so I just kept snacking (healthy snacks no less ) in the hopes I would find a solution. I didn't. Perhaps you'll agree one of life's greatest challenges is finding a balance that works for you. It's certainly something I struggle with and I'm sharing my story because I'm getting warmer. For starters, I started to re-train my body with the focus on feeling better.  It wasn't easy saying goodbye to my anxiety rice cakes and melancholia granola bars, but I did, and I felt better instantly. It also helped that I realized green juices and I just weren't meant to be, but that's another story...

However, even though I felt better, I couldn't stop chastising myself up about gaining the weight. My poor parents had to endure my whining all throughout their visit until finally my dad looked at me and said: "Val, you look great, just buy some bigger pants and shut-up already". He was right. Now that my stomach was no longer bothering me and I ceased eating when I wasn't hungry (most of the time at least, I'm human), it occurred to me that if losing those extra couple pounds means having to deprive myself of delicious meals (dessert included)  -- it's not worth it (for me). To each his own, but I love food too much and have always been a staunch believer in the only eat it if it's yummy rule to monitor what I eat to that extent. Maybe my old pants just aren't meant to fit again. It's not like I'm earning my bread and butter as a VS model. The important thing is I'm healthy and thanks to group fitness classes I actually want to go to -- I'm the fittest I've ever been.

What makes me laugh is how prior to moving to New York, my anxiety caused me to drop several pounds and I spent most of it lamenting the loss of my otherwise ample tush. Why women, me among them, are hard-wired to never be satisfied and always want what they can't have will remain a mystery and fact of life. However, I'm trying hard to be more accepting of myself and making changes if necessary without sacrificing what makes me happy -- larger pants and occasional pumpkin pie notwithstanding.