Words of wisdom from a 27-year-old

Thinking of smart things to tell you

What a difference 365 days makes! Since my last birthday, I've managed to move from Manhattan to Miami, land a new job, make new friends and most importantly --- get married. Needless to say, this year has been one amazing roller coaster, and at 27 I feel I have a much better understanding of the woman I want to be and about the things that matter most. I think it's when we're faced with changes and challenges that we're able to really learn about ourselves. So without further adieu, here are some bits of wisdom I want to share with y'all:

1. Things have a funny way of working themselves out. When I think about the situations that have caused me the greatest amount of anxiety, I find myself amazed by how said situations have often resolved themselves. In fact, sometimes the end result wound up being even better than the best case scenario I had envisioned. This isn't to say we shouldn't be doing everything we can to effect our circumstances --- we should --- it's just I think at a certain point we have to let the "higher powers" play their role too. Adopting this mentality helps me eliminate the stress, fear and anxiety associated with outcomes I can't fully control, and there's so much to be said for that.

2. Cooking isn't as intimidating as it seems. My mom is an excellent chef and made dinner for our family six out of seven nights a week. Consequently, I feared cooking because it seemed too darn hard and I thought I'd never measure up. But when I moved to Miami it became clear I couldn't have healthy meals delivered to my door with a click of a button the same way I could in NYC, and so in order to eat well I knew I would have to brave the kitchen. Thankfully my mother-in-law arranged some cooking classes for me and my sister-in-law, and within a couple months I gained the confidence to make a meal solo.

My advice for new chefs is to get the best ingredients you can find/afford and start with simple recipes like broiled salmon filets with olive oil and seasoning, or roasted chicken. I also find it helps to combine what I've learned from my classes with recipes from my favorites (Martha Stewart, Ina Garten) and advice gathered from friends and family. You really only learn cooking by doing it and you adjust recipes to suit your tastes as you go. But coming from the girl who a year ago didn't know how to turn on her oven (true story) and can now make a complete meal --- if I can do it, then you certainly can.

3. Our words are so powerful. We may not realize this, but what we say to others and ourselves has a huge impact. With just one simple compliment we can elevate someone's day, yet one nasty remark can really bring a person down. Of course it's bad to lie or be fake, but there's always something positive we can say to people around us --- particularly the ones we care about. Girls especially are known to be nasty to each other and while it subsides after high school, it never completely ends. With all the pressure we put on ourselves as women, it's exremely crucial we support and encourage one another. I recently had a girlfriend compliment my writing, while another told me I had beautiful eyes. Conversely, I've had girls say negative things about my career choices, as well as my nose, ears, weight and hair. While they shouldn't, these remarks change how we perceive ourselves, so choose your words wisely.

Similarly, we can say the ugliest things to ourselves and the more we say them --- the more we internalize them and they become our reality.  I read somewhere that we shouldn't tell ourselves anything we wouldn't say to our young daughter. I couldn't agree more. And with that, I leave you with a quote I came across on Instagram today (don't mock): If the words you spoke appeared on your skin, would you still be beautiful? Amen.

4. Figure out what makes you happy and do more of it. Write it down. I literally did this. Yup, you've gotta carve out time for such activities but it will be worth it.

5. Sometimes you gotta leave your man alone. When my husband's feeling down, tired, stressed etc. my initial instinct is to swoop in and try to solve the problem via talking about it. Men, however, don't always (hardly ever) feel like talking it out. That said, when I'm told "I don't wanna talk about it" or "nothing's wrong" when I know something clearly is --- I get upset. This can sometimes lead to a fight, mostly because I feel frustrated for not being able to remedy the situation. I like to fix things --- and fast! Yet slowly I'm learning not only can I not solve everything, but that I don't have to. Sometimes, the best thing I can do for my fellow is to let him be and give him some time to feel better on his own terms. Easy, right?

XOXO

Val

Home sweet home? Pondering life in NYC versus Miami

The famed Russ & Daughters now has a cafe. The latkes and lox are to die for.

If you recall, not too long ago I wrote a post declaring my unwavering love for New York City. At the time, I had been living in Miami for around six months, and I couldn't wait to return to Manhattan for the summer. Yes, I missed the city.

During the two years I spent living in NYC, I thought the city could do no wrong. It was perfect. Smells? What smells? Overcrowded? Nah, it's energetic! I was so happy to finally be immersed in the fashion industry and living in my dream city that I only saw the positives.

Come to think of it, I had exactly the right attitude, but unfortunately I didn't bring that attitude along with me when I moved to Miami. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to be there, but I spent my first month or so thinking about all the ways Miami wasn't Manhattan rather than embracing its differences. While I adapted quickly to the idyllic "winter" climate and the beautiful beaches, I resisted having to drive everywhere and quickly became overwhelmed by the task of setting up a new apartment and routine.

Transitions and changes have always been challenging for me, and leaving a comfortable NYC lifestyle I had worked so hard to create was tough. At 26 years-old, I know myself well enough to understand I require routine in order to feel peaceful and happy.

In any case, it wasn't long before I got myself on a schedule in Miami and grew to truly appreciate the luxuries of living down south. Funny how humans adapt to new situations, isn't it? My regret is that I didn't let myself enjoy the new chapter in my life from the get go and that I didn't have the right mindset initially. You live you learn, right?

As I write this, it's been a little over three weeks since my boyfriend and I have been living across from Bryant Park in Manhattan. And guess what? Yup, I miss Miami. During my first week, I couldn't stop talking about all the ways New York City didn't measure up to the Magic City. Now, for the first time in my life I actually get it when people say they wouldn't want to live in the Big Apple, whereas before I just assumed there had to be something a little off about them.

What do you mean I have to walk in the sweltering heat with my groceries? Why are sweaty people bumping into me? Where's my air conditioned car? My ocean view? Funny how humans repeat the same mistakes over and over again, isn't it?

Well, maybe I've learned a little something because I was able to catch myself before I got too far down my path of comparisons and homesickness. This time it was also clear what I needed to do: I had to create a new NYC routine to help me enjoy all that this unique and wonderful city has to offer. 

So, slowly that's what I'm attempting to do. Meanwhile, the experience of leaving Manhattan for Miami, only to return half a year later has taught me that nowhere I live is going to be 100 percent perfect. Some places might be better than others, sure, but if you have the right people around you and the will to succeed wherever you are -- anywhere can feel like home.

xoxo

Val 

The case for leaning back: hey, it's OK too

Because girl power means supporting each other's choices. 

A huge part of being a writer is reading. A lot. That said, whenever I come across material that resonates with me and which I’d like to add to, I can’t help but share it on my blog. Today’s post draws upon an article by, of all people, actress Zosia Mamet (aka Shoshana on HBO's Girls).

In her Glamour magazine piece called “No, I Won’t Lean In, Thanks,” Mamet wonders whether our success obsessed culture is alienating women who don’t wish to “go for the f-king gold.” She poignantly writes, “you can’t just jog; you have to run a triathlon. Having a cup of coffee, reading the paper, and heading to work isn’t enough – that’s settling, that’s giving in, that’s letting them win.”

Mamet’s point is that women have to define success based on what makes them happy, minus the external pressures. The ultimate hope is that women will be supportive of each other’s choices rather than being judgmental of anyone they perceive to be so-called “settling.”

For instance, Mamet gives the example of how if she were to open a small coffee shop, it’s likely her female friends wouldn’t consider her a success if it didn’t go on to reach the scale of Magnolia Bakery. But what they might not realize is that she purposefully wants to keep it small so as to enjoy a quiet and simple life, and so she can be more hands on.

I remember at one point during journalism school I was interning at a prestigious fashion magazine and my dad told me that despite being at the bottom now, I would go on to be the next Anna Wintour. While I liked the encouragement, I felt a pang in my stomach as I wondered whether there was something wrong with me because I knew at 22 I absolutely didn’t want to be at the helm of a major publication.

Did I lack ambition? Did I not have sufficient confidence in my abilities? I weighed the possibilities, but the reality was I wanted the kind of journalism job where I would still have ample time for my family and myself. I wasn’t in a relationship at the time, but even then I knew that to be happy, my personal life would always have to come before my career.

That’s why when my boyfriend made a strong case for me to leave New York and move to Miami, I knew I had to at least give it a try. Soon after relocating, I found a great gig as a food writer for a popular local newspaper, but it ended when it turned out the company was unable to sponsor me for a work visa.

Right now, I’m unemployed as I wait to hear whether I’ll get a work visa as a technical writer at a company that sells chemicals. It’s by no means my dream job. Far from it. However, I took it because time was running out on my stay in the US, and because I’ve made the choice to put my personal relationship first. 

Though there wasn’t a doubt in my mind that it was the right decision given the circumstances, I was terribly anxious about what my friends would think when I told them about my on hold career plans. In a time of leaning in, I was leaning far back, and I feared how I’d be perceived.

Well, I now officially know I have the greatest friends in the world because they were nothing but supportive when I told them. I think on some level everyone understands that you can’t have it all, and more importantly: that happiness means different things to different people. To my dear friends: thank you, and to all the women out there: please support each other.

xoxo

Val

Summer style: 5 things I can't wait to wear this season

With all due respect, it's been summer weather in Miami pretty much since I moved here in November. That being said, most of my readers dwell in chillier parts, hence my decision to write about my summer wardrobe now. Besides, most of these items are pretty new anyways since now is the time retailers carry the season's clothes. So here's a little shopping inspiration for y'all.

Happy almost summer!

xoxo

Val

1. Tibi cut out dress

The neckline features a hidden zipper  

I love the white contrast in the back and how the zipper emphasizes the spine's natural curve

Tibi designer Amy Smilovic creates clothing that's feminine with just the right amount of edginess. The brand's cocktail and day dresses are my favorite in the contemporary market, and the one above is the epitome of summer chic. The playful stripes and cotton fabric mean I can easily wear it during the day with flat sandals or ballerinas, while its cut out details along the midriff and snug fit mean all I need is a pair of heels to make it work for date night. Packing light for summer getaways suddenly doesn't seem as cumbersome.

Helpful hint: Often I find by the time 50% off sales start, sizes on popular items are scarce. However, if you find something you absolutely adore, many online and in-store retailers, including Tibi.com, have friends and family events where the entire collection is 25% off. So be sure to sign up for emails from retailers you like.

2. J. Crew high waisted floral print shorts

Going for the green on green look with a silk Equipment tank

High waisted shorts and their sartorial companion crop tops, are ubiquitous this spring/summer 2014. These shorts from J.Crew have a bold floral print that keeps them from starting too far into preppy territory, and there's a zipper down the back to further accentuate the derriere. When I'm not inclined to highlight my tush, I'll team them with a loosely tucked in tank or tee. But on days when I'm feeling more adventurous, I'll work summer's premier trend and throw on a loose crop top.

3. Splendid striped bikini 

Splendid bikini

Despite living in Miami, you'd be shocked by how little time I spend at the beach. So to answer your question, no, I'm not fully at easy in a two-piece, and yes, it's still hard to pick out a flattering and comfortable style. Until recently I had no idea Splendid made bathing suits, so I was pleasantly surprised to discover they offer several fun options in the $100 range. I chose this one because I love the contrasting, slightly sporty orange straps, and because the ruffle creates the illusion of a fuller bust. Bingo. Instead of buying the bottoms modelled above, I chose a solid orange pair with fuller coverage. As sexy as string bikinis are, I find they untie too often and tend to bunch up in the front and back.

4. Any pair of Chloé shoes

Tell me these Chloe wedges aren't perfection, I dare you.

I'll admit it: I'm completely and utterly obsessed with Chloé shoes. I'm literally like a kid in a candy shop when I'm in their proximity, and choosing which single pair to buy come sale time is arguably one of the toughest decisions I make all year. They're a fortune, but they're ridiculously comfortable, AND gorgeous. Plus, they last for several seasons. So come Memorial Day designer sales, I hope to get my hands on my Cinderella Chloé shoes. No, I sadly don't own the pair above.

5. Breton Stripe Saint James Shirt

The Guildo R A style from Saint James

Breton stripe shirts are quintessentially French, and Saint James has been making the iconic style for over 150 years. Since the 19th century the brand has been manufacturing its goods in Saint James, a small town in Normandy. The combed cotton tops were originally designed to protect Breton fisherman from the elements, and though I'm not spending my days at sea, I love the shirt's durability and rich history. The somewhat boxy fit of the above silhouette (Guildo R A) works great with skinny jeans or denim short shorts for an easy summer look. So simple, so French, so chic.