Wednesday, 16 July 2014

The ex-factor: how much do we really need to know about our partner's romantic past?

Couples who nerd around together, stay together. 

In the early stages of dating, the ex conversation will inevitably come up. For some, it's a chance to get to know the other individual on a deeper level, while for others the experience is akin to ripping off a band-aid. In short, they want to know in as few words as possible if there are any restraining orders, divorces or deaths they have to be privy to. Spare the extra details please.

My boyfriend falls into the latter category, meaning my knowledge of his ex girlfriend can be summarized in one neat sentence. And I'm only talking about his most recent ex -- I literally have no intel on his love life prior to that point. Similarly, he never wanted to know anything beyond the bare essentials about my romantic history. 

Over the year and change we've been a couple (most of which has been spent living together) we've discussed our pasts plenty, but on this particular portion of our lives we've remained pretty mum. Certainly it's normal to cringe at the thought of your partner caring for and/or being intimate with someone else, however, is there something to be gained by knowing more than the minimal amount? Can it improve the health of a relationship? 

Honestly, I think there's no right answer. Besides, so much depends on the nature of ones previous relationships, as well as the current relationship dynamic. If it aren't broke, then why fix it, right? No, but seriously, I don't feel as though my lack of knowledge about my significant other's ex stands in the way of what we have created together, or that I don't know him well enough as a result. Perhaps it's one of those cases where a little ignorance is indeed blissful. 

Do you agree or disagree? What are your thoughts regarding how much information one should possess about their S.O.'s exes? How much do you like to share?  

xoxo

Val 

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