Heart matters: understanding the elusive "spark factor"

This year's VALentine's Day post is devoted to a topic, that while slightly cliche, has been perplexing me nonetheless. It's a little something I like to call "the spark factor", and my question to anyone listening, is how long should you date someone before "discarding" them into the no-spark-bin?

I bet if I asked 100 people, I'd get 100 different answers. Or better yet -- I'd get twice -- or thrice as many because of the dreaded  it-depends-scenarios tossed in for good measure. I would surely hear about the the gal who despised the guy at first, but he wouldn't take no for an answer and months later they're madly in love. Some might advise to keep dating if there's even the faintest glimmer of a spark to see if fireworks might eventually develop, while others adhere to the theory that for a relationship to work, sparks must be instantaneous.

At the end of the day, I know myself best and personal experience dictates the magic number lays somewhere between two and four dates. There have been times where I only felt a slight connection on the first date, but after date two or three started to come down with can't-eat-can't-sleep-syndrome -- otherwise known as really liking someone. Lately, however, I've been meeting guys whom I genuinely enjoy spending time with and whom I feel attracted to, but even after the fourth date, I don't get that aforementioned jittery feeling. What I feel instead is confusion; one part of me thinks it will never work, while the other half is saying, give it a chance or you'll risk missing out on something potentially great.

We live in an age of FOMO (fear of missing out), and romance is no exception. Conversely, we twenty-somethings lead immensely busy lives, where free time is a precious commodity. Personally, I don't want to and can't afford to waste time dating someone I'm just not that into. Like most matters in life, there's no black and white solution to such conundrums. Still, what I've gleaned from recent situations is what works for me is to shut-off my brain and take a step back. As soon as I stopped obsessively thinking about why I wasn't feeling that thing with the last guy I dated and took a mini-break from seeing him, I started to relax. Once relaxed, I was able to go on our fifth date with a positive attitude and a clear head. That's when I realized that great as he is, something was amiss. The FOMO feeling had quelled and I had the certainty I desired.

The lesson here is matters of the heart rarely make sense and thinking about them too much makes everything worse and unnecessarily complicated. So how long should you keep dating someone before "discarding" them into the no-spark-bin? No one can answer that for you (sucks, right?), and the only way I can answer it for myself is by following my gut and ceasing all attempts at trying to find answers.