In one of the final scene's of Bride Wars, a teary eyed Kate Hudson turns to a teary eyed Anna Hathaway post major cat fight and declares: "I've realized I don't have to have it together all the time and it feels very liberating". That may or may not be verbatim; I was only watching this abhorrent film because it was on the jumbo screen at my nail salon, but you get the gist right? I realize that chick flicks, particularly those starring Kate Hudson aren't exactly beacons of wisdom, yet I heard the aforementioned words at just the right time, and yes, a minor eureka moment ensued.
You see, lately I've been having minor freak-outs spurred by several reasons, most of which have to do with all the uncertainties in my life. I'm fortunate enough to be studying fashion marketing at one of the top fashion school's in the world, yet I still don't know what part of the industry I want to work in. It seems the more internships I do, the more confused I become. One day I want to write, the next day I can't fathom the thought of writing for a living and want to pursue a more business-oriented career. Basically, I'm confused. I feel the pressure mounting, and the words: "you've been given this incredible opportunity, you've got to make the most of it or you'll be a giant failure", keep ringing in my head. Sometimes, these thoughts are so loud, not even some intense cardio-kickboxing can silence them. What's more, the fact I'm a Canadian citizen competing for limited fashion jobs with Americans makes things a tad more complex. America, what did we ever do to you? I mean, we're soooo nice. On top of that, my personal life is also up in the air, and dating in New York can be, well, tricky to say the least. Will I meet my soulmate? Will I have kids? Will I get my dream job, or any job for that matter in New York (where I want to be)? I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T KNOW, I DO NOT KNOW.
Now do you understand why hearing Kate Hudson's words hit me so hard? I don't have it "together", but maybe if I come to terms with it and accept it, I'll feel "liberated"? Perhaps if I embrace the uncertainties - give 'em a big ol' hug and kiss - the panic will subside? Maybe if I stand in front of the mirror and say: "I don't have the answers and that's okay", I'll feel a weight lifted off my shoulders and I'll be able to focus on doing my best in the present moment. My former yoga teacher Joanna Nowa, always said: "If you take care of this moment, you've taken care of every moment that's to follow". How simple and brilliant? With the help of yoga, Hudson and my wise parents and friends whom I call during moments of anxiety, I'm slowly starting to realize that life isn't necessarily about having it together all the time or reaching certain goals or hitting specific milestones - it's about the little moments that make up everyday. Happiness doesn't come from having the answers, it's about doing little things daily that may or may not lead us to them. Life is but a giant question mark right now, however, if I learn to love the unknown, I can focus more on the present (like savoring this cappuccino in front of me), and then, if and when I arrive at my destination (if there even is one), I'll be able to enjoy it that much more. I don't have it together, but it doesn't mean I'm falling apart either.
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