I have this fantasy where I'm sitting at a restaurant enjoying a lovely meal with family and/or friends and at the end of said meal, a handsome stranger walks up to me and tells me he has been unable to keep his eyes off me from the instant I entered the restaurant and he needs to see me again. The physical chemistry between us is instantaneous; my cheeks turn beet red, I smile, he smiles, and voila – I am swept off my feet by the man who will become my husband. Last Saturday, my fantasy came true, well the first part at least...
After all, if everything went according to plan, I wouldn't be sitting here on Valentine's eve eating chocolate cheesecake from City Bakery (amazing by the way), and sharing my love life with you people. So here's what went down: handsome guy celebrating his birthday with a bunch of buddies comes up to me and tells me he finds me very attractive and has been trying to make eye contact with me all evening. We banter for a bit, I smile, he smiles, and he proceeds to get my number. Then, unlike many pickups prior, he asks me to schedule our next meeting right then and there. The only day we can agree on is Tuesday - aka Valentine's Day. He makes a joke about how he won't do anything V-day related and I laugh saying it isn't a particularly Jewish holiday anyways. We laugh some more, stare into each other's eyes some more and he tells me he can't wait till Tuesday. Did I mention this guy is fineeeeeee??! He tells me to come out with his friends, but I decide to make him wait till Tuesday. Turns out I'm the one waiting.
After texting him Monday night to ask if we're still on or if it was a figment of my drunken imagination, he replies: "Hi! Holy shit. I'm sorry. I'm really not an ass. I've been sick since Sunday. Saturday night I got home at 6 a.m. Been out of it since and just didn't remember. Raincheck? It wasn't the alcohol. It was the after effect:(". Seriously? You just turned 31 and you can't recover from a hangover in three days? Needless to say, the date has yet to be rescheduled.
So why am I telling you this? Mainly because writing is therapeutic and I'd rather use my blog as an outlet for my venting than say, a metal pole or a certain guy's head. Maybe on a certain level I'm hoping to gain some insight into the opposite sex, or perhaps into myself? Yes, I knew this guy was drunk, so was I mind you, but we really did spend a large chunk of the evening having very coherent conversations and my friends can attest to that. The point is I was really excited because I rarely feel such an immediate connection and because as cynical as I may be at times, I'm still a really positive person underneath who believes in true love (most days). Plus, this guy had totally acted out my meet-cute fantasy and did I mention he was fineeeeeeee??!
After some pondering (okay, way too much pondering), I have arrived at the conclusion that the reason this date isn't happening has nothing to do with me. The guy barely knows me so it's not like he discovered some flaw in my personality. I also doubt it was a beer-goggles type scenario. I mean c'mon, I was wearing my one sexy outfit and five inch heels! And plus, I did actually see him looking at me all night... There are a million reasons why this date will never be. For instance, he could've recently broken up with a girlfriend, he could currently have a girlfriend (eww), or maybe he didn't like me as much as he let on and just didn't feel like going on a date. He could also be an escaped convict who was caught and escorted back to prison and they simply forgot to confiscate his cell phone. Really, you don't agree?
When I recounted the story to my male friend, he asked me a wise question, one that I'm still pondering over. His theory is that if a guy is confident enough to walk over to a girl and tell them how attractive they find them right off the bat, it's highly likely that guy has lots of experience doing that sort of thing and could I really see myself with a guy like that? Good point. Well, confidence is always attractive, but hitting on tons of girls and having the ego that goes with that isn't. I guess most of us want someone who is confident with women and in other areas of life, but not to the point of cockiness, or sluttiness for that matter. Like with everything else, it's all about that elusive balance. Sigh.
Regardless, I have no idea if this was the case with restaurant hottie, but it might just be he hits on girls for sport and once he had "conquered" me, he lost all interest. He could've wanted to sleep with me that very night, although that leaves me wondering why he was so persistent about scheduling a future meeting time and significantly less persistent about meeting up later that night. Anyways, it really doesn't matter because it's over and done with and if I'm going to continue attempting to date in the crazy city that is NYC, I have to learn to move on and not overanalyze, especially situations I'll never have answers to. I'm working on it, okay? Next post, I'll tell you about my foray into online dating. Let's just say they don't call it Zoo York for nothing...
p.s. if anyone cares to offer any insight into my "situation" please do share!
Regardless of what the reason was, can you the ultimate word smith really see yourself going out with a man that sends such a poorly written text message??
ReplyDeleteMy insight is this:
ReplyDeleteI think you deserve a man who, at 31 years old, has his head on his shoulders, a career that requires a certain amount of maturity and responsibility (i.e: has other priorities then getting piss drunk to celebrate his 31st because his job, family life and relationships are more important)...
He probably freaked out because V-Day was the day you were supposed to see each other, maybe that was too much pressure... but seriously? To be a commitment phobe at 31? Yeesh...
I came across this blog post a few weeks ago, it's an interesting read, let me know ur thoughts http://metroadlib.wordpress.com/2012/01/17/the-unfunny-post-to-women-and-ill-talk-and-you-wont-listen-but-for-what-its-worth-keep-your-heart-3-stacks/
Anyways, I hope things work out with him and he has a logical excuse/makes a fuckin big effort to sweep you off your feet again! And if it wasn't him, it just means there's someone else out there to fulfill your fantasy who will be even better (perhaps even MORE fine!)
Hi!! Your post totally made my day so thank you, thank you!! Honestly, I doubt I'll hear from him again. It's like that movie He's Just Not That Into You where Justin Long tells Ginnifer Goodwin that if a guy is into you, he'll find a way to see you and that includes recovering from a hangover in 3 days. What baffles me is why waste time hitting on a girl and scheduling a date and everything if you're just going to blow it off? Just for an ego boost? To show off in front of his friends? I really didn't get that vibe from this particular guy but I'm sure a lot of guys do do that. I'm sure girls do it too sometimes. I just find I'm good at reading people and situations like this make me doubt myself which is a freaky thing for me, you know? I just don't get it... Oh and I don't think it was a v-day freakout cuz we did discuss that point rather extensively...
Deletexoxox
I totally know what you mean about feeling like you had this instinct about someone and then they turn out differently, and all of a sudden you feel shitty cause somewhere down the line it means our instinct failed us. (let alone the fact that it's super disappointing.)
DeleteMy mom once said to me, about this guy that I met one night who took my number and never called
"Oh well, I guess you were just another trophy" ... It hurt so much but it kinda hit me that that was exactly it - it's not a waste of time for them. We don't get it cause we're women and we don't work like that AT ALL (although some do), but some guy's (and I emphasize some because they are not all like that) can spend the entire evening collecting numbers and hitting if off with someone just he can go home thinking he's the shit. And it goes straiiiight to their ego. It's like their way of knowing they still "got it going". But
a guy who's confident in his own skin and is settled and stable is not in it to play games or rack up numbers.
This psychologist once said that the main difference between men and woman is our surroundings and how we perceive them. Women will watch the superbowl halftime performance be touched by it emotionally, whereas a guy will watch the superbowl and will be more concerned with the number of points each team scored or how great of a pass that guy made... their skills. All that to say, we see things very differently.
I used to pretend that I was a princess, sitting on my thrown and every guy who came into my life was waiting in line with a number (in my head, it was kinda during the medieval times, cause I'm looking for my prince charming and all, so maybe like a stone with a number carved in it?). Now, because I'm 'royalty' and my time is VERY valuable, I would treat them as if I was on the search for someone special, and if they didn't make the cut, it was "suivant, next!"...
I think ever girl should feel that way. He would be the lucky one to be with you, not the other way around and it's just a question of time until you find a guy who makes you feel that way. He is somewhere in that line waiting to take you home to his cheese farm on his white horse! (and by cheese farm, I mean the accounting office where he works and makes tons of money hahaha Oh, and the white horse is a convertible of your choice, where your hair blows in the wind without getting messy and you have really expensive sunglasses on) ....only half joking ;)
Take it as a compliment... He totally thought you were pretty, otherwise he wouldn't have come and talk to you/asked for your number, so that's 10 points for you and minus 20 for him for not calling. You win! so I say...SUIVANT, NEXT!
Val! First let me just tell you how much I love your blog. You always make me laugh. As for the dating stuff, I think every girl has an over analyzing issue (myself included). I have spent countless hours going over these types of situations with my friends and the only conclusion ever drawn is that guys are so dumb and never know a good thing when they see it! I wouldn't spend too much time on this one because like you said it took him 3 days to get over a hangover. That is just plain weird. Sunday's are hangover day, everyone knows that. I have a feeling that you have already made your mind up about this guy, but if you haven't and he does message you again don't let him play games! Looking forward to reading more of your blogs. Good luck (but you won't need it) xoxo
ReplyDeleteThank you SOO much!!!!! You're right, guys are just so dumb, are there any smart ones left?? I think I've made up my mind too, I can't deal with this crap. Games are not for me. I don't think the reason is actually a really bad hangover, but I don't want to waste more time thinking what it could be. Easier said than done, but I'm trying! Keep reading:)
Deletexoxox