Words of wisdom from a 27-year-old

Thinking of smart things to tell you

What a difference 365 days makes! Since my last birthday, I've managed to move from Manhattan to Miami, land a new job, make new friends and most importantly --- get married. Needless to say, this year has been one amazing roller coaster, and at 27 I feel I have a much better understanding of the woman I want to be and about the things that matter most. I think it's when we're faced with changes and challenges that we're able to really learn about ourselves. So without further adieu, here are some bits of wisdom I want to share with y'all:

1. Things have a funny way of working themselves out. When I think about the situations that have caused me the greatest amount of anxiety, I find myself amazed by how said situations have often resolved themselves. In fact, sometimes the end result wound up being even better than the best case scenario I had envisioned. This isn't to say we shouldn't be doing everything we can to effect our circumstances --- we should --- it's just I think at a certain point we have to let the "higher powers" play their role too. Adopting this mentality helps me eliminate the stress, fear and anxiety associated with outcomes I can't fully control, and there's so much to be said for that.

2. Cooking isn't as intimidating as it seems. My mom is an excellent chef and made dinner for our family six out of seven nights a week. Consequently, I feared cooking because it seemed too darn hard and I thought I'd never measure up. But when I moved to Miami it became clear I couldn't have healthy meals delivered to my door with a click of a button the same way I could in NYC, and so in order to eat well I knew I would have to brave the kitchen. Thankfully my mother-in-law arranged some cooking classes for me and my sister-in-law, and within a couple months I gained the confidence to make a meal solo.

My advice for new chefs is to get the best ingredients you can find/afford and start with simple recipes like broiled salmon filets with olive oil and seasoning, or roasted chicken. I also find it helps to combine what I've learned from my classes with recipes from my favorites (Martha Stewart, Ina Garten) and advice gathered from friends and family. You really only learn cooking by doing it and you adjust recipes to suit your tastes as you go. But coming from the girl who a year ago didn't know how to turn on her oven (true story) and can now make a complete meal --- if I can do it, then you certainly can.

3. Our words are so powerful. We may not realize this, but what we say to others and ourselves has a huge impact. With just one simple compliment we can elevate someone's day, yet one nasty remark can really bring a person down. Of course it's bad to lie or be fake, but there's always something positive we can say to people around us --- particularly the ones we care about. Girls especially are known to be nasty to each other and while it subsides after high school, it never completely ends. With all the pressure we put on ourselves as women, it's exremely crucial we support and encourage one another. I recently had a girlfriend compliment my writing, while another told me I had beautiful eyes. Conversely, I've had girls say negative things about my career choices, as well as my nose, ears, weight and hair. While they shouldn't, these remarks change how we perceive ourselves, so choose your words wisely.

Similarly, we can say the ugliest things to ourselves and the more we say them --- the more we internalize them and they become our reality.  I read somewhere that we shouldn't tell ourselves anything we wouldn't say to our young daughter. I couldn't agree more. And with that, I leave you with a quote I came across on Instagram today (don't mock): If the words you spoke appeared on your skin, would you still be beautiful? Amen.

4. Figure out what makes you happy and do more of it. Write it down. I literally did this. Yup, you've gotta carve out time for such activities but it will be worth it.

5. Sometimes you gotta leave your man alone. When my husband's feeling down, tired, stressed etc. my initial instinct is to swoop in and try to solve the problem via talking about it. Men, however, don't always (hardly ever) feel like talking it out. That said, when I'm told "I don't wanna talk about it" or "nothing's wrong" when I know something clearly is --- I get upset. This can sometimes lead to a fight, mostly because I feel frustrated for not being able to remedy the situation. I like to fix things --- and fast! Yet slowly I'm learning not only can I not solve everything, but that I don't have to. Sometimes, the best thing I can do for my fellow is to let him be and give him some time to feel better on his own terms. Easy, right?

XOXO

Val