Beauty on the brain Part II: my love hate relationship with makeup

The five makeup products I'm using this summer

My first experience with makeup was in the fifth grade when my best friend and I decided to smear the contents of her mother's bathroom drawers onto our faces. I was 11 years old and for some reason I thought mocha lipstick with brown lipliner and gobs of fuschia blush was a good look for me. I still recall being awestruck by how it took only a couple of products to make my features "pop," although I'm not quite sure I would've used that word back then. Needless to say, I was completely seduced.

I simply couldn't wait till the seventh grade when it would finally be "appropriate" to wear a little bit of makeup to school (mascara and blush), and my favorite part about the Bar-Mitzvah circuit was getting my face made-up by my older sister.

Since then, however, my relationship with makeup has gradually morphed into a love hate one. I love it for the same reason I hate it: I look better with it on. Here's the thing, while part of me thinks it makes perfect sense to take a couple moments everyday to make sure I look and feel my best, there's another part of me that resents that my best isn't me au naturel. How is it that makeup can boost my confidence by making me feel prettier, yet simultaneously make me insecure for needing it to feel prettier and confident?

On the one hand, I like the structure that putting on makeup lends my morning; it readies me for the day ahead. I've got my game face on so to speak. Conversely, since I'm virtually the slowest person ever, this ritual could potentially be taking me away from more important activities, like reading more news for instance, or working on this blog.

It frustrates me that I have allowed "society" and its so-called aesthetic standards to convince me that dark circles and blemishes must be masked, while eyelashes and cheekbones ought to be enhanced. Who decided this? I'd like a word with him or her. I'll admit it: I'm a total slave to the beauty industry, and yet I would be lying if I said I didn't get genuinly excited over a new lipstick purchase.

Okay, but what am I trying to articulate in this mumbo-jumbo of words you've just read (or scanned)? Truth be told, I'm not exactly sure, I simply have the urge to share my conflicting thoughts and frustrations on the topic of makeup. It's something that's been on my mind recently due to the proliferation of celebrities and models posting #nomakeup selfies on Instagram. They're supposed to make them seem more relatable, which should then make us feel better about ourselves, but I think these selfies end up doing just the opposite because the subjects still look so ridiculously amazing.

So what am I going to do about all these, umm, feelings? Well, I'm always trying to take care of my skin and get enough sleep so I can get away with the least amount of makeup. Lately that means some tinted moisturizer on my chin and cheeks, concealer, cream blush, mascara, and occasionally lipstick (I can't get enough of Nars' satin lip pencil in Yu). Some days I'll skip the tinted moisturizer and/or lipstick, but god help me I'm not giving up the under-eye concealer unless I'm at the gym or the beach. That's progress, no?

We get so used to seeing ourselves a certain way that changing things up -- especially when that means wearing barely any makeup -- is tough. But hey, I'm trying to take baby steps, so there's that. Bottom line: I think as long as you can still be comfortable sporting a bare face (i.e, no freaking out), then there's no harm in relying on makeup's confidence boosting abilities most days.

Do you share any of my conflicting thoughts re makeup? What's your opinion about celebrities and model posting #nomakeup selfies?

xoxo

Val